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Our Little Miracle…

February 13, 2017

Tuula

Seven months of wild waves with this man of my dreams keeping my head above water. I’ve always dreamed of being a mother, but never knew if I could be. I experienced multiple pelvic and internal injuries after being hit by a car at 16 with ongoing pain and limitations, and was warned of what might never come to be. I’ve always wanted to adopt (as my incredible mum was) and my partner and I had been talking about it again just before this unexpected miracle happened. With my personal history and high value of privacy I hope everyone can understand that I would not have shared this online if I didn’t feel the need to talk about the highs and lows that so many experience with challenging pregnancies. I have been struggling with antenatal depression and hope that speaking out might just help heal myself, and someone else too. At our 20 week scan they noticed the lack of amniotic fluid that I had unknowingly been leaking due to my old bladder injury and was diagnosed with PPROM (broken waters). With pre-labour symptoms and anticipating a very, very early arrival I was admitted to hospital in Sydney on bed rest once viable at 24 weeks. I don’t know the words to describe how hopeless I felt… not being able to control my own body, provide for my baby or see hope that we would make it through. Despite my partner being a rock of support and positivity, I have found these last few months to be some of the loneliest of my life. Just days ago we experienced our first true moment of excitement and relief that things will be okay; that we have a little warrior who is beating all of the odds. I have been allowed home for the first time since late last year and the cloud of anxiety is slowly lifting. Thank you to the doctors, midwives and hospitals who have gone above and beyond for us, including all of the women I met while sharing hospital rooms learning about each other’s journeys. We are so grateful to have come this far and be in this position that so many can only dream to reach. We aren’t in the complete clear but know that nothing ever really is. For now we are going to lay low and enjoy every extra week of waiting to meet our miracle…